It’s been a sad week, and yet one of hope too. This past Sunday my husband’s Grandmother passed away. It was not unexpected, and yet there were some things that bothered me about her life. She prayed, she had been baptized, she said that she believed in Jesus. While I can’t really know her heart, I often looked for signs that the Holy Spirit of God was living in her heart. Did I ever see them? I look back and I’m not really sure. I question though whether I really tried to look for them sometimes. My own life being so busy. Often too busy. I asked her once if she knew for sure that she was going to Heaven. She told me of course that she had been baptized. I asked her another time if she read her Bible. She said it was too late for that and that she didn’t need it. My heart broke that day, because I can’t imagine not desiring Gods word. When I first got saved I had such a hunger for Him and his word. Any way, I thought about that later and wondered if, when she was younger if she had read the Bible. I don’t know for sure.
She was a strong woman, one could say stubborn. She loved to read and loved her books and papers. I think that was where she and I connected. I love to read also and take good care of the books that are on my shelves. But sometimes I think she became obsessive about them. She worried about money a lot, and like most people who went through the depression years was thrifty or frugal. She spoke her opinion regardless of others feelings sometimes. As one who leans towards encouraging others I found myself pulling my children aside and mending hurt feelings from time to time. She was often leery of me because I am from a northern state. At one point she called me a foreigner, at best I was a Yankee to her and would always be viewed with suspicion. She often made us laugh with her observations and the way that she did things. She was very much loved and cared for. She lived to be 97 or 98, depending on if you went by her birth certificate (98) or by a story that she told about a mix up by the clerk that had her confused with a cousin born on the same day but a different year which would have made her 97. Either way a long life in these times. She survived breast cancer and loved having pork, greens and black eyed peas on New Years Day. She loved sharing the history of her family with anyone who would listen. My husband and I love antiques and would always question her about old pictures and books that she had. We tried to write down the family tree whenever we got to sit with her. She had seen so much life and so much history. She often wanted us to just sit and talk with her about anything. Just spend time with her. She made us slow down and think about life and what it was really about. Sometime directly sometimes indirectly.
Looking back over this past week has made me wonder about the hope that each of us has in Christ. I pray that she did know Jesus with a real loving relationship and that one day I will see her in Heaven. I think the part that her life has made me think about most is, Do I show that the Holy Spirit lives in me? Any one can talk the talk. Have I put feet onto my faith in Jesus. Have I shown that He is my “All in All”? Have I been generous, kind, loving, obedient to Christ? Have I really set the example for my children that I want them to model? I don’t want to end up old one day and have someone wonder whether or not I was really a Christian. I want people and mostly my family to be sure beyond a shadow of a doubt, that not only do I love Jesus, but that I have been His hands and feet and heart here on this earth.
Thank You Lord for the lessons that You have taught us through this strong willed, wonderful woman. Good Bye, Big Mama. I love you and will miss you.
Blessings to all~ The Quilted YaYa
